I feel so lost and pathetic tonight. Everything I've been pushing for is crashing down around me all over again. I know there is no success or victory if i dont try, but I've been trying for so long. So very long. Doing it alone. Always alone. I try to talk to people and nobody helps. They don't know the words or they don't have the time or I feel shame for putting my problems on them. They have their own lives, who am I to give my problems?. So much has happened to me and so much is still going on, it's got to the point where I pray I don't wake up in the morning. That it's finally my time and I won't need to bare the guilt or shame in my own departing. My family dismiss my worries and depression telling me to stop acting weird. I've tried changing my life, and I've succeeded. New job, hobbies, lifestyle. But it's not helping unless I am constantly distracted. But if i am distracted, then i merely means I am hiding from my problems. They're still going to be there, and hiding from them will only make it worse. Yet right now I my distractions have left me, and all I have for company now is my own self pity... and it makes me hate myself so much more!

I feel so pathetic all the time. Only 23 years old, and I don't want to live a day longer. I feel so ashamed. i only keep going because i could never cause my family the pain they would feel in losing me. I dont want to go on... and i dont know who to talk to... Help?