Hi Steven

Sorry that I didn't reply to your post on the 6th, was not something that I initially could address as I am unfamiliar with long distance relationships of that duration (have done 2 years in not consecutive order with my now wife but she is the steady rock to my balloon on a string)... but as it did go un-replied in general (and that's not a bad thing to take to heart, threads aren't always returned to once people have posted... so for a more direct response it can be useful to create new topics), I'm going to give this my best damn shot!

First off... I do not think you are worthless, hopeless, useless or any other label you wish to bash yourself with... and to me that is what depression does. It is insipid and sucks at your self worth and esteem.

With regards to this girl you mentioned... it sounds like she has a lot of baggage of her own and with things being so long distance - hence an inability to be of support to each other in the immediate and physical sense... to maintain such a relationship even between people without mh issues would take a lot of strength... so please don't let this crush you... if anything it's just opened new doors once you get back on your feet.

Now is the time to think about self care... as you've noted and a lot of other uk posters here will relate to, self care is something we really need to try and do with how erratic the nhs system is.

So, look for grounding activities... ways to distract your mind when you feel yourself spiralling... reach out to friends/family for support if you are comfortable with doing so.

Do keep posting here and look at the resources that are available via this site as a start point.

Best wishes and thinking of you

TJ