Arduous , I read that as if I had written it myself. My only difference is I'm separated from my husband and he has custody of them for 6 months until mummy "gets better". Yes I need to find the right meds, yes they will help, but nothing actually cures BP. I can't work, I can't function it sucks. So I actually do feel I'm missing out on their growing up at the moment and the guilt is overwhelming. The real world as you say don't understand they might try to, but they don't. What goes through my mind is I have birth to these 3 gawjus children, 18, 12 and 10 year old, where am I? Not in their lives everyday, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to face and deal with.