Oh, thanks for posting that information vonmoxie.

It's important to keep in mind that the information above is a "theory". It does make sense, I can see that. And I have been "trying" to explain that too (as you have noticed).

When I talk about what happened to my horses and ponies from my neighbor's dog, that did not only change "me" but it also changed all of them too. They began to literally "panic" even seeing my neighbor's dog, and that was never a problem before. When I say panic, one of the horses upon just seeing my neighbors dog out and barking and running a little because he was tied, caused him to panic so badly he tried to jump out of his paddock and did not make it and bent the gate in half and was stuck on the gate. I wish I knew how to post pictures to show you what he did to that gate that had a plywood backing to it, good thing he had a winter blanket on, his body would have suffered severe lacerations. I had to figure out how to put up a huge screen to block his view and for a really long time none of them would stay out at night either, I had to get them all in before dark. (my neighbors electric underground containment system was not working so knowing I did not want their dog on my property they let it out late at night or when they saw I was not home. It targeted the horses every time which resulted in several chokes, colic, torn suspensories, fractured pelvis, destroyed hip joint, and torn ligaments, all kind of damages. My neighbors response? "Shoot the dog" and trying to throw the blame on me.

What I see in what is discribed above, is what comes over me when I go out there and am around them now, I don't want it to happen either, but by the time I am finished I am exhausted and often I feel like someone beat me up because my arms especially hurt so bad. My lesson ponies were basically destroyed and when I tried to train other ones I have flashbacks and it's very painful. I never imagined the one thing I loved so much woud hurt so much and become something my brain wants to avoid and it's not even a conscious decision. People don't understand that challenge. I still struggle to believe it happened it sure wiped me out. I was basically in constantly hyper vigilance for 5 months addressing all the damage before I just crashed and pretty much went into shock because I could not stop the chills, I could not get warm and I could not get through another day and I never really slept either. But I was literally abandoned in that psych ward and there was no rest there either, they intruded on me every 15 minutes and they let my older sister come and see me and yell at me to "get with the program and get it together or I will lose my marriage, family and farm?" I still can't believe I was treated so badly for being traumatized and so grief stricken, I was treated like I was a "bad person", that was so wrong and utterly cruel.

I honestly don't know whether I should move or what, but what do I do with these ones I have left? It's not their fault, and I know they love and trust me, they really "are" just like children you know.

Oh, I do work at this every day, I feel so bad for others that struggle and don't have help and support. I was so alone when I joined PC tbh, I didn't have help at the time either. When I joined PC, I was in this environment I just could not interact with and I could not seem to explain it to anyone either. I was sitting at the computer trying to give my mind some place to go and it was the only place really where my mind could function because it was "different" and not connected to the trauma. I had never done anything like PC before, I had so little time in my life to do anything like PC before.