Thankyou so much for the replies - it means so much for people to understand and to listen. I am seeing a therapist who I can talk to freely about various issues but as soon as even the word "abuse" comes up, I space out and disconnect myself. Ive spent so much time in therapy staring into space and not talking that it is ridiculous.
What I dont understand is that what happened (about 14 years ago) doesnt seem to have affected my sisters, and whenever the subject is mentioned they play it down and say that it was nothing etc. I feel pathetic for letting it affect me in the way that it did.
I went to the library the other day and found a book on traumatic stress which I am reading through - it is helping me to understand flashbacks etc and there are various exercises which I might try to work through. At the moment I just feel lost (if that makes sense) - my bulimia has got worse, have been self injuring and am tempted to turn to alcohol. I know I need to work through this but I sometimes wonder if I have the strength.

Sorry for moaning (again) and thanks for listening, well, reading!

Stormy xx