I was just served. If I do not go to this court "examination"; I will be held in contempt of Court and they will arrest me. I phoned my pdoc and totally lost it. He is holding a bed immediately at the hospital. I begged him; NO. These examintaions are on the 24th and 25th. Both being 8hrs. Am I strong enough for this. God, give me an answer. I feel like running away where no one can find me. I had told my ex that I will agree to what he wants, (about a week ago). He said its up to the lawyers. I just phoned him; but had to leave a message. I told him to go ahead; have me arrested; good. They can lock me up; who cares anyway. I guess I am getting what I derserve. I have lost. Whats the point anyway? I have been condemed. I told my ex to be here to pick up the kids by Friday after work. From there; dont care anymore. I will take myself to the police station; let them put me away. They can all kiss my ***. He won from the day I married him; he wins everyday of my life. The haunting dreams of the violence, control, pain; he still has me and he wont let go. I am a complete failure; I hate myself.

justme