I called him (pdoc). He was a little concerned because I used the word 'crazy.' Apparently I'm very eloquent so when I use words like dead or crazy etc he really takes notice. The T thought it was a mixed episode after I told her about it - she sees episodes of hypomania in me that I don't catch, I guess. The pdoc said that he thought he'd have me try adding in another drug temporarily to give me a break. Funny thing is - I'm feeling pretty normal this week.

Depression was my first dx with a previous pdoc and an independent pdoc for state disability, but my pdoc has it down as bipolar.

I may have caused my own problem because I experimented with not taking my Concerta for three days and day 2 was when I bottomed out although I had been struggling prior to that anyways. So connection or no connection - hard to tell.

What scares me though is that I called the elders from my church to come over and bless me. One called to check up on me yesterday (nice) and said he was afraid I was suicidal that night. I wasn't - I was too tormented to consider that although I almost took a second dose of my Lamictal just because I was desparate to make it go away. I'm glad he didn't turn me in. I'm so lucky. I once had an attack waiting in an office of a pdoc and was tearing up magazines to keep down the panic and he suggested to his receptionist that she call the police on me! I'm glad she didn't. I'm so lucky.