So the back story. Well that would take pages and pages, the cliff notes as I've posted them elsewhere are:

• Social anxiety, depression, avoidant personality, perfectionism, enmeshed relationship with parents
• 32 live at home with/off parents still
• never had a GF, still virgin, never had many/any friends
• actually like socializing and am good at hiding my problems when I can
• desperately lonely
• intelligent, always did well in school, but dropped out of university 6 times, never finished a degree
• worked series of retail jobs, some of them OK, but all ended in nervous break downs.
• taken medication in the past, didn't help, doing group therapy now

As far as sex goes I try not to think of it as the be all and end all of things. It's definitely not the thing that rules my life emotionally. I know one or two other people my age who have emotional issues and are virgins as well who are TOTALLY consumed with feelings of inadequacy and all they think about 24/7 is getting a GF and having sex. This is not me at all. My main emotional issues revolve around social anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, depression, self hatred issues and the like. Far and away my main goal is to manage to form a stable happy life outside the orbit of my parents.

However to say that not ever having so much as held hands with a girl isn't an issue would be a huge lie. While it doesn't consume me it's very much a painful thing to be 32 and have the strong emotional and sexual urges of someone my age, heck I'd say of a teenager, and not to have any real outlet for them. The thing I worry about most is turning into some kind of deranged pervert or something over the issue, it's not healthy not having any kind of release or exposure your entire life to such a basic biological need. And I don't just mean sex, I want a companion, a friend, a romantic relationship, I desperately want it. But yes sex plays an important part of things as well. What I don't want is to have the sexual side of things get in the way of finding someone I can just be with, share things with. As strong as the need for companionship is, often the stronger immediate emotion, the one you feel first is lust. This doesn't mean that I want to go see a prostitute to "get it out of the way" as I've had some people actually suggest to me, not cause of religious reasons (I'm not religious) I just don't want my first experience to be that. But the practicality of it would suggest getting it out of the way might clear things, I don't place any significance on virginity (again not religious).

As I was saying above I don't wish to objectify women or turn into some kind of perv or crude person, I abhor these types of people. However I do watch porn on a semi daily basis as a form of sexual release, trying my best to stay away from the main stream majority of it.

I'm not sure at this point in my life how to approach this subject without it being weird, perverted or pathological. Most people naturally have sex at some point in their lives before the age of 32. Once you reach this point things get awkward to say the least.