In 1996 i was in a abusive relationship. Left the abuser on November 1st 1996. Was stalked by the guy for 2 years after i left him. Finally after 2 years the guy was arrested. Ever since this experince i have a fear of being in a relationship. I got help for a few months after i left the abuse. But i did not like the counselor that i had. So i stopped counseling.I get lonely but i'm not sure who to trust or who not to trust etc. I just went today to get help again with depression. I have fear of being abused again,rejetion,being alone forever etc.MY dad growing up was abusive to. My mom was at times verbally abusive. she still makes verbal abusive type comments to me.Last time i went to counseling i was told i should cut ties with most of my family. I have kind of cut ties with them. Only see them on Holidays. My mom lives in Texas and i'm in IL. But she still verbally abuses me over the phone.Have not seen her in like 3 years. I want to break the cycle of abuse. I want to be in a normal relationship.I'm lonely and feel unwanted and ugly. But also scared to get close to people in general. I have depression, Epilepsy and Chrons. I feel like crud half the time. I feel like with all my health issues nobody will ever be there for me.My social worker Trudy has been there for me. But my family and others don't seem to care.If i tell most folks how i feel and i don't tell them often.They tell me i'm to sensitive etc.I have turned into a bit of a loner the last few years. I go out to baseball games and concerts mostly alone.Been made fun of by some because i go places aloneBeing made fun of by strangers really hurts..But so many folks flake out on me or just annoy me etc.So at times i'd rather go places alone. But then when i'm alone in public some times i get lonely and am jealous of others who have a lot of friends. I do better with just hanging out with one person at a time.