Hello!

I have written a post some time ago on the Depression section. I also wanted to say hello here, to you guys, as I am more and more convinced to have AS or HFA. Every single test I take (I know that online test mighnt not be a reliable source of diagnosis) tells me I am in autism spectrum. Also, when I read other people's stories I can see myself in those, like someone was describing me. I once tried talk about my concerns with my previous psychiatrist but was told not to look for diseases.

I was extremely shy and still am. I started to talk when I was 3 years old. I love routine and can't handle stuff when my routine or plans are messed up. For example I can have a huge anger outburst if I can't put on the t-shirt I planned to put on (because for example it's dirty or something). I always was and still am a picky eater. I live alone during weekdays and eat very little then, cuz I just don't remeber to eat, but when my mom is at weekends I eat meals normally, but because she makes me those. I have big difficulties when it comes to social interactions, I can't handle small-talk, meetieng new people is hard for me, I don't go to parties, I hate going to malls and other places where there is a lot of people (I only go to a mall if I really have to, which happens 2-3 times a year). I also have this nervous tick, I can't really describe it, I do this thing with my fingers. I used to do it a lot in high school, not even knowing I was doing it unless someone asked me about it. I don't understand sarcasm, sometimes I say inappropriate things not knowing that I should not say those things. Once I get interested in some topic I read and read untill I know everything about it. Last time when I got interested into one topic I was obsessed with it for a couple of months to the point that I even made a study on it at the hospital where my Students' Scientific Group is and my study was later accepted to be presented on a huge international conference. Feeling that i have achieved what I wanted in this area I now got interested in other topic and, again, got completely obssesed with it. I was always perceived as a weirdo. I also can't handle certain sounds, and texture of clothing. I am very horribile in having conversation as I unintentionally interrupt other people. I am also a very empathetitc person, I help others, and I also trust people very easilly and care about them as if they were my family, just to find out later that they do not care about me as much as I care about them, which brings me a lot of very unpleasant situations. I also misinterpret other peoples body language, feeling and even their words (which was pointed out to me on a lot of occasions) I pay attention to details, i notice patterns, and am maybe a little bit obsessed with number 3 (for example I wash my hair 3 times etc; a lot of things have to be done 3 times in a row). I notice some traits of OCD here and there, like the zips on my backpack have to be on the same side (if I ask someone to take something from my backpack I tell them how to place the zips, but I always find myself taking the backpack off and doing it myself again).

I notice much more traits of AS but it's hard to write everything all at once. Anyway, all of that had lead me to having a major nervous breakdown and depression, and as a result failing my final year of university...

Should you have any questions please ask me those, as it might help me understanding myself.

All the best for you guys!!!

Aleksandra (23 years old)