Sister, I'm with you....

I love the title of your thread.....I've felt the same way when I was going the meds route....thoughI've found that for me, more frequent sessions allowed me the opportunity to accomplish more in less time, and the resulting sense of 'self-mastery' was soooooo goooood....

How often do you see your t?

I don't know your specific circumstances, there are times when meds is a useful tool.....been there done that...

I think the more we grow in 'self-awareness' the more we feel we 'own' our life, sort of like taking it back from whoever 'stole' it in the first place.....

Too, sounds like (but I may be wrong) you are grieving the loss of the life you had imagined for yourself. It sucks to find ourselves in a totally different place we had ever intended to be....