Quote:
Originally Posted by pommybt
Arduous , I read that as if I had written it myself. My only difference is I'm separated from my husband and he has custody of them for 6 months until mummy "gets better". Yes I need to find the right meds, yes they will help, but nothing actually cures BP. I can't work, I can't function it sucks. So I actually do feel I'm missing out on their growing up at the moment and the guilt is overwhelming. The real world as you say don't understand they might try to, but they don't. What goes through my mind is I have birth to these 3 gawjus children, 18, 12 and 10 year old, where am I? Not in their lives everyday, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to face and deal with.
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Well I know how that is. A long time ago I just up & packed by bags and took off. I barely saw my kids, their father was awarded temporary custody. That lasted for 4 years. I think about what I did & look back on my actions every day. My daughter lives with me now, she has for 10 years, but my son still lives with his father. I barely see him & that's his decision and I respect that. I think deep down he has never forgiven me
I think about it every day and the pain I feel for abandoning them never recedes. Even though my oldest was only 2 1/2 when that happened I know it changed him for the worse. He suffered because me & him were very close then I was gone. It eats me up inside, to the point that I can't take it. I try to make it up to them. But I betrayed my babies and to me, that's unforgivable.
I make the best of what I have, that's all any of us can do.