Thanks for all of the above. You don't know how helpful this has been to have you all understand, and hear your stories. I thought no one else would know what am going through, and would think I am making it up.
I told t today, that I know, and she asked what happened. I managed to tell a bit of a snapshot that I remembered a couple of weeks ago whilst I was getting jiggy with hubbie (great timing), she focused on the feelings that were coming through. Ugh.
She said she was furious that no one kept me safe

But even on the way home, there was a voice in my head asking why I was lying, that no one would ever believe me anyway.