hi. i feel like i'm going to make some typos so i apologize in advance, i'm just shaking pretty bad right now. warning that this is going to talk about suicide and self harm.

so one of my best friends has dealt with a lot of the same things i have. she's self harmed, she's been suicidal, all that and then some. i'd say she's definitely had it harder than i have as well. bear in mind that i only know her through the internet and i have no way offline to contact her.

we created a bit of a support system for one another. if i was ever wanting to hurt myself or my bad thoughts were coming back or i felt disgusting, she gave me advice and support. and i told her the same, if she ever needed anything she could come to me.

well the other day she was suicidal. and she sent me a message asking for help. but i didn't see it until three hours later.

and she hasn't been online since. i can't contact her, i can't know if she's alive or not. i replie d to her message to me asking for help but i don't even know if i sent it in time. the last thing she posted was a bit of a suicide note. i know she's attempted to end her life before but i'm scared that it worked this time. and even worse, if it did, it's my fault. i promised that i would be there for her and i broke it, i broke th at promise. i wasn't there. and now if she's dead, it's because of me. i ****ing killed one of my best friends.

and who knows if she even is dead or not. there's no way for me to know that and i've tried contacting mutual friends but nobody has responded yet. it's been over a day since she's been online and i'm so worried. i just want her to be alive, i want her to be okay. but she might not be and if she isn't i'll know it's my fault. it's my fault if she's dead.

i don't know how i'm supposed to live with this guilt. and if she isn't here anymore, i can't go to her funeral or anything. i never got to tell her everything i wanted to say and she might not be alive anymore. i'm terr ifed because i don't know what i'm going to do if she's gone. i can't deal with this and i'm so scare d. and it's all my fault.