I've been where you are. I was hospitalized for severe major depression. I had suicidal thoughts several times, but was able to think about my family and knew how much it would hurt them. But one particular episode hit and I knew i had no other way out of it. My family didn't even enter my thoughts.

I got my affairs in order, wrote a letter explaining why I choose this and was within moments of following through. Something in me made me call my T. She asked me to come in immediately, which I did, and when I arrived she said she was calling an ambulance. I didn't have it in me to fight so I was hospitalized for 30 days on suicide watch for the first 10 days.

As much as I hated being there I know it was the best thing for me. It got me through that episode and I also learned new coping strategies. My family became more involved (I was good at hiding what was happening and I struggled to reach out) and is now one of my best supports.

It is scary, but it's what's best for you. It will keep you safe and you will come out feeling so much better.