I think me being close to her is the issue. I want someone to have a close intimate relationship with. So me talking with my cousin, hanging around her are things that play on that wanting I have especially since we are so close. She's very playful with me and we have very personal talks at times. Our family noticed and they started talking to us about how we are not supposed to have a relationship even though I don't think any of us thought about it until they brought it up. Now that that seed is planted into my head I find myself struggling greatly with my feelings towards her.

I've come to realize that I can't really have girls as just friends around me too often. Any girl that I've been friends with in some way I've wanted to take a pass at them because in my mind I'm confused of whether or not they are just being friendly or are actually into me and I want to test it, problem is usually when you let them know how you feel then you've betrayed all trust in their friendship and they create some sort of divide between us. I really believe guys and girls become 'friends' for two different reasons (but this is just my perspective so I could be wrong) but as a guy I want to friend women to slowly build a relationship with them and as for a girl they friend me because in some way I entertain them and that's where it ends.