Awhile ago I was told I had a severe anxiety disorder by one of my guidance councelors in my old high school. She recommended I see my doctor and get his opinion on taking medication.

Quick story short, my parents didn't want me taking medication and got me to see a therapist for my summer vacation ( which didn't help me out to much since I was to shy to actually talk about what my problems we're)

So now its a couple years later and I've started to get a lot of different symtoms that are a lot different than my normal feeling extremely stressed, I've started to get really bad anger problems normally when I feel insulted or felt underpowered in a situation some days from people. I get very angry, ending up punching things and smashing my fists into things causing bad swelling sometimes.

Also I never noticed it but I tend to get in a position such as feeling tense and having my legs very close to my chest almost while I feel stressed. Extreme Panic Attacks leave me breathing hard and exhausted.

But theese problems were tolerable, I was able to get by them. Now I have another problem, a girlfriend. The girl I really liked told me she liked me. I still have school weekdays so I dont get to see her till the weekends but when the weekends come time I'm extremely stressed to go hang out with her, trying to make up excuses which usually work but leave me extremely hating myself for it.

I feel like I don't deserve her, and that I'm worthless to her. Another fear is if we ever get intimate I feel like I'd dissapoint her, I'm a bit over weight. (6"2 175) and even though its not obeisity I still feel she'd be dissapointed with me.

It's friday night and I had the chance to hang out with her but I didn't and I need to find a way to get over it. Medication really isn't an option since my parents strongly disagree with it and I feel that it may change who I am, my personality.

Another problem is the sense of powers, sometimes when I feel extremely depressed I feel like I have enhanced thinking. And sometimes its true, I'm very opened minded and a lot of my friends have came to me for help. I feel I know the faults of mankind through history and I'm able to fully understand society. I know I dont make much sense but it's the best I can explain in text compared to verbally.

Depression has also payed a big role, and I've NEVER talked about it to anyone else so I think I should perhaps mention it here. After being in a situation that was insulting or someone "overpowered me" such as a friendly fight I feel extremely depressed. I remember days of coming back from school last year feeling 100% certain that I won't last to die of old age. It's almost euphoric. It's scary to feel ok with the fact that I might kill myself one day, although I never talk about it.

Anyway any help on what it could be would be much apreciated. I just feel I need to do a bit of research on it so I can know what I'm dealing with.

Sorry if my grammar was horrible, It's really hard to type what I think.