I felt like I could relate to each and everyone of you.

I always feel like people are mad at me. I am constantly asking my boyfriend if he is mad. He gets quite annoyed with the repetitive questions but when he gets annoyed I only begin to freak out more.
I will do anything to stay in the relationship because I have no other hope. I feel like this guy is the only chance I have at getting married and not being alone so I will do anything in my power to not let go or screw things up.
I also have extreme dissociation where nothing feels real. I feel like I almost disappear into space. I find it so hard to explain this part of my problem because no one gets "not feeling real". Maybe you guys do.
I also, when I get really angry, instead of taking it out on other people I will take it on on me via self harm and suicide attempts.
I also self harm just to self harm. No attempts to kill, just something to release the emotions.
My self esteem is absolutely horrible. I have such a false view (this is what other people tell me) of myself. No matter where I fall on the weight range, I seem to think I am the most obese person walking the Earth. I also loose my self esteem against others. I idolize others and tend loose my self esteem doing so.
I am always paranoid that my decisions make people mad and that they will banish me from their world.

This is just a little about me.