i'm sorry everyone. i'm not a clinical depressive person. i'm not on meds or anything. though all my life i've sort of been depressed, the shy one, not exhuberant as some/many of my friends are/were.
i feel very in a sorry state. i was laid off in 2011 and have not found a full time job since. because of that, we (my bro & sis-in-law live in same house) - are losing the house. i feel VERY guilty and - actually - numb. just last week the bank froze all of my accounts - so i have to only live on cash (which i don't much have). my part-time, part-time jobs aren't doing much until October. i really have no friends who can relate to me - cause literally, i'll be homeless after the house signing. my bro & sis-in-law have family they can go to - i do not. not married, no significant other, etc. i think sometimes this world would not miss me much. i'm 60yo and not that good looking. i'm thinking insurance would give my bro & sis-in-law a good step up, financial wise. have no children, never married - sort of been a waste of humanity i'm sort of starting to feel.
ironically, i'm a suicide hotline worker. lifeline, all that. unfortunately, i guess i made the wrong decision 30-40yrs ago and went into manufacturing, quality control/assurance - which is like dead now.
i don't have a gun, which is good. and i don't think i could hang myself like RW (what a shame) - but i've just been thinking about it lately - the insurance and stuff. i could fake an 'accident' so they could collect. i feel like willy loman.
whatever - take care all.