You are not at all...even a little bit (!)... A waste to humanity. You are unique, and gifted in many ways. I have a lot of respect for suicide hotline workers.
You are better alive. And take it as an absolute blessing that you are not clinically depressed.

You can overcome this!! You really can. And I know that you will.
If you think it would help, you could go inpatient. (I've been 3 times, it's not like the movies). Medicare/caid will pay for it.
Never forget...you are worth it! You add something to this world. Something that you don't realize.

This doesn't have to be the end of a beautiful life, my friend.