i'm going to try that technique of conversiing.
by the way, i want to share about what i'm bothered about almost every minute in school and even at home. i have this classmate who's also one of my peers. i get amazed by her spontaneity and transparent personality. i mean, she knows what she's doing, she doesn't have pretentions, she's very smart and observant. i really find her fascinating... because maybe i wanted to have a personality like her. i just want to imitate her. up to the point that i'm already getting obsessed with her. i save almost all of her txt messages to me. i rethink about any short conversation with her. i would stare at her for a long time. i don't want her to know about this of course. but i always worry that i am irritating her. it always seemed to me that whenever she sees me, she tends to retract or avoid seeing me. my tendency is to avoid her too.
deep inside, i really had these nervous feelings that i can not really understand. i want to be close friends with her. but i'd usually thought that she's also observing me and , criticize whatever she sees bad in me. i don't know. i'm paranoid with her. but i really like her. i really look up to her. i'm just like "blank" or expressionless when talking with her.