Floating, I'm so sorry that you're experiencing such pain. I know how you feel - and it does get better. Like the ocean, depression ebbs and flows, has some highs and many lowest of lows, but soon you won't feel as bad. Maybe try to close your eyes and cry, try and release some of the pain, then take a leap of faith and go out in the world. Feel the sun kiss your skin, the wind blow between your fingers, and maybe you'll see a ray of hope. Keep hanging in there. Things get better, I promise