When there's neglect in the picture and it connects to a fundamental abandonment by the primary person, the mother, things are really really complicated and hard. Apparently some feel that neglect is more damaging and difficult to resolve. It affects development more and is a non-event so hard to work through, hard to even grasp.

As you say, you can't even understand how a mother could reject an infant, assuming no one would do that therefore you must have been horrible to begin with. Well, my mother did the same to me, so much so that even my therapist was having a really hard time trying to get how any human being could do that. But ask around here. From threads I've seen here, like on "the mother hole," it seems to be a something that many have experienced. It has powerful and long term effects. And because it is so inhuman it sometimes results in taking that inside when in fact it was not and never our fault.