Hi floating.feather, I'm really sorry things have been/are so hard for you and I can imagine you must see it as pointless in even trying to explain all of that to everyone around you??
But that says a whole lot more about their lack of understanding than it does about you, OK??
You and your feelings do matter!! And they matter to us!!
So whatever you want to say we're here for you.
And just picking up on a few things...........you/your life aren't pathetic You may be struggling a lot right now but you do have a lot to cope with by the sounds of it. And you know things can get better with time, help, support...........it might not feel like it right now but..........so for now is there any way you can get a little more support (because guaranteed not everyone will be as disregarding as those around you) e.g. any friends/other family members you can share with or a doctor/pdoc???
Because there's absolutely nothing wrong with letting out your feelings (just as with your tears) and you deserve understanding.
It can take time to work through depression (one step at a time, hey ) and whatever support you can get with it............well that's something, right?
But you know you're not so alone anyway, yes?? Because we're here for you
Alison