Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
I was reading on a different thread about the idea of being such a terrible infant that the parent rejects or abuses the child. I assume that the therapist then goes on to describe how adequate parents respond to their children.
In my situation, it was always put that I rejected my mother as an infant. I was not (shocking I know) all cuddly and complacent. The therapists have said infants do not usually reject their parents so it was a misreading on my own parent's part. I don't completely agree. There are unpleasant infants I have met who do not want others near them - not even their own parents.
Do others talk to the therapists about this difference?
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In my child psychology course in college (which I dropped out of because I was so disturbed and offended) the professor did speak about these difficult to raise infants and young children who acted in a rejecting, difficult-to-satisfy manner. She spoke about the research and reality that showed they were more likely to be abused.
It was a very very very difficult discussion.
At the time, I literally couldn't handle it- I was young and had just left my abusive parents, I was afraid and disturbed to consider the abuse might be my fault or any child's fault.
Of course, my professor was NOT saying abuse was the child's fault, she was explaining that certain behaviors and types were more likely to be abused, a correlation, not a justification.
So, yes, I've heard and talked about this some. Sigh.
I will say, a factor I personally consider very relevant that I don't recall being discussed, was how personally the adult takes the infant's behavior. I for example, did not feel rejected by certain behaviors of my daughters- I had a strong enough sense of ego to not be put off by certain things, but my husband perceived certain behaviors very differently, internalized them as rejection, and I think that can contribute too- not just the child's behavior, but the way a person perceives it.