Hi, Don't apologize for the length of your post. We all need to vent sometimes. It is good that you have a better understanding of yourself than you did in the past. But you have to like yourself too! Since you have good insurance can you get any therapy over there? Also are you on an antidepressant? Maybe you could ask your doctor about that? Sounds like some of the people you have met would not make very good friends anyways. So you are probably better off not being around them. I think everything will work out for you but you have to stop being so hard on yourself. You are a good person, you just need to believe it! I wish you the best.