My 2 girls are almost 11 years apart in age. I was 24 when I gave birth to DD1 and 35 with DD2.

DD1 was so calm and laid back and content all the time, she preferred to play on the floor and be left there, while we we're welcome to sit near her and interact, she had a strong aversion to being held. She squirmed and fussed and finally wailed if it took too long for you to get the cue.

DD2 was a Velcro baby, only content while being held, cried incessantly until she became mobile at 5 months (crawling) and was always very high-needs. I practiced attachment parenting with her, something I had never heard of back when DD1 came along.

I abruptly stopped nursing DD1 at the advice of her pediatrician, due to mastitis and his preference for formula-fed babies. She spent that whole weekend hating me, and only calmed for her father. That Monday we went back to the ped, performed a little show and tell, and he asked me what I had done to piss her off! Perfectly content in car seat, and being taken out by dad, being held by ped, then passed back to dad. Not a whimper. Dad placed her in my arms, ear splitting screams within 3 seconds. Dad picked her up, instant quiet. Three or four times.

I was heartbroken, my daughter hated me and I didn't know why. Had I let that hurt my feelings or become bitter about it I'm sure I could have convinced everyone she rejected me. She started liking me again within a few weeks.

12 years later I realized why she did that. She wanted to nurse and I didn't get the cue. I could have ruined our relationship forever if I had allowed myself to believe she rejected me in infancy. I'm sure I would have reacted with coldness or maybe cruelty. That would have bred and grown over the years to taint every aspect of our relationship.

Sometimes I think I had less knowledge but way more common sense when I was younger.

Hankster I'm sorry your mother misread your 2-week-old involuntary head flop as rejection, and that you took all the blame for it your whole life. Her perspective was skewed.

*my perspective also skewed, sorry Stopdog!

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