Hi everyone...I'm new here, and have been reading the boards every day. I plan on finding a T soon. But I have a lot of questions and concerns about starting therapy, and as I get closer to looking for a T, the more concerned I get.

One question I have is that in reading these boards, I've noticed that many people say it took a long time before they opened up to their T. I'm afraid that I'm going be the exact opposite, and when I meet with a new T, I'll basically just SPEW my emotions, sadness, pain all over them in the first meeting. I don't think I'll be able to do anything but that. I already burst into tears on a daily basis, multiple times a day, and when I think about starting therapy and actually talking to someone, I immediately start to cry again. As much as I'd like to temper my emotions when I first start therapy, it's just not going to happen.

I had a therapy session as a teenager where I did just that--got upset and cried during the first session. The T was taken aback. Then she proceeded to tell that what I was upset about shouldn't be upsetting to me at all. And not in a supportive way, but in a 'what is wrong with you' kind of way (I still--decades later--question if there was something wrong with me for being so bothered by what was going on, even though it still upsets me to this day). She also could not remember my name during the session, and when I went back the second time, she repeatedly used an entirely different name again (even though I kept correcting her). Didn't bother to go back a third time. So maybe she just wasn't a good T.

So...is being upset okay? Or will I just be making a horrible first impression? It seems to me that it's better to get to know the T a bit first and see if you can click with them and can trust them. But I don't think I'll be able to keep it together long enough to do that. I've been hoping that I will just be able to "cry it out" between now and when I start therapy, but I'm not getting anywhere with that idea.