Hi guys!! Can someone give me some advice??

My main T was gone for the summer and I saw a temp T for that time. I actually little by little totally stopped drinking, SH, binging and purging over the summer and I was getting thru my days a lot better. I mean I wasn't happier but I was keeping busy, getting physically healthier and had a lot to be proud of.

Well main T called me and said she is coming back to work and pretty much ever since that call, all I can think about is seeing her again. I'm getting hyper emotional again and bored and don't know what to do with myself. Cravings and urges are getting worse and ugh, it's all flooding back. I had no transference for temp T and main T, well Idk, I guess I must have some after all. She's the only person in my life who truly makes me feel like she cares.

What do you do with yourself when you literally feel like you won't be OK until you're sitting on that couch? Seeing main T is really the only thing I have to look forward to in life right now and now that it will actually be happening again nothing else is holding my attention (I know, pretty sad)

And do you think if I tell her how much more stable I was with temp T that she would want to stop treating me?? I think our bond is important for healing but I can't deny that it makes me end up wanting to be bad a lot more. :c I just get frustrated with the gap between how wonderful seeing her is vs. how miserable the rest of life is.