Sorry you're struggling.

I think it's okay to feel preoccupied about seeing your regular therapist again.

What concerns me is the return of your harmful behaviors: just based on that, have you considered staying with your current (summer) therapist? (Edit: Now that I read again though, I see you're saying the *urges* are returning, but are you able to maintain your progress and control the behaviors? I think that's an important distinction.)

Or could you see them both?

I hear that you value the bond, I really do too, but if you're actually healing and improving with your current therapist, there seems to be a lot of value there.