Overwhelmed by guilt, I try to envisage putting right the wrong I have done but all I do is make excuses for my behaviour. The guilt will remain until I can be completely honest, but I don't know myself what really happened or why. I know I deceived and abused, I know it was a deliberate choice, but was my judgement impared by depression? I am doomed to live with this guilt forever because I can no longer unravel the truth from the distortions and fictions I surround myself with. Please let me find the strength to say, "I did wrong, I lied, I'm sorry" and to face the consequences without excuses. Sadly, I am weak and I know this won't happen.