I feel like a ******* idiot!!!

I thought it would be smart to volunteer in a rape and domestic violence center. THE FIRST NIGHT I FALL APART!!!

There are all of these jeans and survivors stories and I couldn't stop my body from shaking. I kept looking at all the faces and hearing them talk about survivors and symptoms of being raped and my chest started to pound and hurt. I could feel myself getting so sweaty and my eyes swelling with tears. I could feel myself dissociating from the room and thought it would be good to text t. I wanted her to say "you can do this, stay strong", but instead she told me she wasn't sure this was a good idea for me right now and that I shouldn't be pushing myself to do this if I was having a hard time.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry to post. I feel like an idiot, but I'm really startled, constant triggering and that room kept getting smaller. I just need some good thoughts, tell me a joke, please anything!!