Two dogs walk into a bar. The third walks around it... heehee? I dunno any hopes. Sorry you ate having such af difficult time. It can be a really intense experience. Perhaps not the best time to try? I worked at a dv clinic for a while but it was took triggering in the end. It's ok to not be ready yet.
Also, the jeans exhibit can be quite powerful. I went to see one because my t had sent in some artwork I did. I was a hot mess for a full week after... it's one thing to know it happens, it's a whole other thing to have to see and hear the aftermath.