Ok....here is an NT's concept on empathy & sympathy toward others.

If a person goes through something that is bad, sad, or causes them distress it always helps them to feel better receiving understanding in the form of sympathy or empathy. It validates the fact there is a reason why they feel bad & lets them know that others understand how they are feeling.

Given that...if other people feel sympathy/empathy but never express it to the person in words or actions, how is that person going to know that anyone cares? Their feelings end up going invalidated & are left feeling not cared about or understood.

So if we hold onto our sympathy or empathy feelings without communicating them we leave the person forced to read our minds hoping that the support feelings are there without really being able to be sure (assumptions are never 100% accurate or safe to make) or the person is left feeling uncared about & invalidated that what they bad feeling they are feeling is the appropriate feeling they should be experiencing.

Just because empathy/ sympathy is difficult to express even though it's felt inside doesn't mean it's not important for the other person....everyone whethed aspie or NT needs to have their feelings validated through the expression of others in the form or sympathy or empathy. So whether it's missing because the other person can't express what they are feeling or because they don't feel it in the first place the necessary validation is missing.

I went through a traumatic experience...I needed support & validation that what I went through was traumatic& that my feelings were understood (heard home care person on the phone applying for a credit card using stolen ID of my mother & me. Had to fight to get phone away from her & while trying to find out who she had been talking to phone went dead...found a short while later base phone chord had been cut...I was alone in the house with this person with my mother out of it dying of cancer)...told my H when he came a few hours later & all I got from him was this look that looked like he thought I was crazy & making up some crazy story totally invalidating the traumatic experience I went through & was going through with this home care person.

Whether or not one is able to express it doesnt take away the need for validation of feelings & inderstanding that comes from the show of sympathy or empathy...a need that all humans have

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