I think you need your parents. And you really really want to justify that need.

Why not just accept it for what it is? You ask can you forgive and not blame- why even try that? Why not just accept what happened but realize you don't feel wronged or like being without them enough to write them off?

Your parents mistreated you, but they didn't murder you- you're still here and you want to be with them, because who doesn't want to be with their parents. It's hard not to be.

So, why not consider that you can accept what there is. Some pain and enough good to keep you there? It doesn't have to be neat and tidy.

You sound conflicted, but you seem more willing to sublimate your pain so as not to pain your mother. Because having her take real responsibility and make deep change would hurt her, you can choose to spare her- that's your choice to make.