I have never been married and upper middle aged. I've felt like I've tortured myself thinking about that I may have a low sex drive. I've been thinking that it's been that way all of my life.

Being in college, I remembered that there were a lot of girls that looked unattractive to me. And they didn't have nice personalities either. But yet there were guys that they could get, and they seemed to be able to have sex or slept with. I was always wondering how could guys have sex with women who would seemed so unattractive in every way? On top of that (I may sound gay or bi if I say this), I thought that those unattractive girls had nice looking boyfriends. I couldn't believe it! I went through a lot of disillusion and depression at that time, along with desiring to kill myself. Because I thought that there was so much wrong with me.

Around now it seems like the young women look very attractive. I don't know if it's because I've gotten older and feeling like a "dirty old man" or are women just becoming more attractive these days. I've thought to myself, "wow, women were not that good looking when I was younger as they are now".

The (MB) was always satisfying to me. And I had some making out experiences with women that were very satisfying also. I had one girlfriend that I was in love with and it was a nice experience for me. But that was a very long time ago and we have lost track of each other. It's been a very long time since I've made out with anyone.

I feel like as I've gotten older; a lot more at peace in accepting the way I am in not having someone than I used to. But there are times I desire having someone; and now as the days go by, it's looking more like it's out of reach for me.

I hope that I'm making sense of what I'm saying. I feel like I'm not so sure myself.