Wow, thanks SoulFlower and OpenEyes, your posts come together for me so brilliantly in the things you say.

My dad does (well, did, not so much anymore) show those qualities. Not all of them, but quite a few. Thanks SoulFlower

And, OpenEyes, what you say about neglect also being able to do that is so true . My dad was neglected by his parents and grew up in a rather hostile home. He was not a spoilt golden child, my aunt was.

You can see the neglect-type narcissist, because they are not charming and charismatic like the golden-child one. My aunt is charming.