Every so often, I get this pretty much at the same time (like over the course of 2 or 3 days):

• severe agitation, irritation, and dysphoria
• inability to concentrate and focus
• crying spells and despair along with suicidal thoughts
• mild to moderate paranoia while not fully breaking from reality
• mild to moderate visual hallucinations while not fully breaking from reality
• mild to moderate delusions while not fully breaking from reality (the movement of the blinds start to 'have meaning")
• sexual hypomania
• flashbacks and emotional memories of trauma
• severe, psychotic-like panic attacks
• dissociation--'blank' mind, numbing, hours goes by, sitting and staring w/o blinking
• depersonalization and derealization
• voices (my own) that say I hate you, kill you, etc.
• psychotic-like dissociative experiences that feel like I am possessed (with no complete break from reality) that my therapist and I refer to as an introject
• constant memory problems
• eyes shimmer/jerking

*adding-I've had racing thoughts too, just not most recent episode

...feeling totally messed up and hopeless.

You cannot be aware of your psychosis during the psychosis, that's just how it is. Then what is it when you are aware but your having psychotic symptoms?