Quote:
Originally Posted by notALICE
I'm always making mistakes, money mostly. Withdrew our account bad. TBH not wild spending. Mostly necessities, Dr appointment for kids. Food for kids. Laundry. Not much went to frivolous things & not for myself. A few of those charges were those ones what were charged when I had $ in account, going through 4 days later.
I'm constantly berated and told final straw. Kicked out next time.
My husband had been violent. New this before we got together. But how are we going to make it without him? He ignores me unless he wants coffee, food or "playtime, 5 mins worth" then back to computer.
He says no wonder you got your *** beat. The problem is you, he says.
How do I not make irrational decisions, even though I feel my kids have needs? How do I fix this? How do I get better? I want to save my marriage but is it worth it?
I don't feel anything but hatred, disgust and no respect from him.
I can't support myself kids alone. Resources? I don't have just myself to think of.
I love him passionately but know we're not good. Huh knew this 10 years ago when he hurt me bad physically. Only thing keeping that length of good behavior we were separated for 8 years.
Been through battered women's programs but I don't know if I'm employable.
Yeah, whine, whine, whine - but where can I get help? Afraid for my kids (very good to them) but afraid for me. Abuse almost killed me before.
How do I be good & responsible?
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The problem is not you! It seems to me from what you wrote the problem is him! Your kids have needs & as a mother you feel obligated to supply them. Any mother would.
You want to save you marriage but I think one of the first steps to getting better is to get rid of anything negative. I'm no expert, or marriage counselor but that can't be good on you
You may not be able to support your kids on your own but there are plenty of resources out there that can help you. Being a single mother with children can get you all the benefits that you would need to survive. You would have to talk to someone about what kind of relationship you are in but they would be able to help you find somewhere else to go.
It would be hard, and stressful at the beginning but I believe it would be well worth it in the end.
Everyone deserves to be happy, and you are no different. A happy mother makes for happier kids.
I wish you luck in whatever you decide.