Especially because I know that especially when I'm with my mother, 99% of what comes out of my mouth is tailored to what I think she wants to hear, because I don't want to uncover old wounds and ruin our relationship again

This part speaks volumes.

I don't think your parents suddenly changed. I think that despite their considerable shortcomings as parents, they are complex people who are neither just good nor bad. They each, no doubt, have nice and positive qualities. And you, as an adult are much better able to figure out exactly what they need you to be and what you can safely ask of them. As long as you keep tailoring your words to what they can tolerate, what flatters them and makes them happy, you can have a pretty good time with them.

This comes at a cost though.

You can do lots of things with your feelings toward them and your feelings about how they treated you. But I wouldn't rush to forgiveness just because anger is so uncomfortable and because your desire for a loving family is so great. You really do need to feel and experience all that stuff otherwise you're just accommodating their needs at the expense of your own.