thanks for the reply notAlice. i can identify with the riding the subway at night not giving a crap what comes across my path. i used to go looking for trouble too.

lately im not sure if its creating drama or just having a huge blind spot combined with the ability to make everything seem so reasonable.
i talked myself into thinking i deserved a night out. i deserved to let my hair down. its not like i was actually drunk. i mean the concert was spontaneous and FREE... how can this be a bad thing?
what i actually needed after such a hard day was rest. maybe a movie.

i had a great time at the concert but today im disapointed with myself because im asking myself (and my husband - who i somehow expect to be the sensible one) what is it that i really want? do i want to have a period of true stability? or do i just want to keep going from high to high?
5 x inpatient in just 4 years is not what i want. i question how much stability ive had at all in that time.
to get there im going to have to make sacrifices... and i dont really want to.
its hard and i feel very conflicted