My ex played a big part in getting my suicidal tendencies under control. When I first started getting to know him it was the first time I had ever truly felt loved and cared for. I didn't want to hurt him by hurting myself.

Now I realize that he probably never cared about me at all and all I can think is how stupid I am.

I start wondering what's the point. No one will ever love me. I don't deserve to be loved anyway.

Ironically though I think I can pretty much guarantee my saftey. I have no urge to hurt myself but most nights I fall asleep hoping I won't wake up.

I'm tired.

Why isn't there some magic wand to wave and make all the pain go away?