What is your pattern in therapy?
In object relations, your personality develops as a result of the interaction between your born temperament and your primary caregivers (overall environment plays a role too). It forms the template of the relational pattern that plays out in your significant relationships throughout life.
Therapy makes this pattern very noticeable, so it can seem like an exaggerated version of it--but that space allows it to be examined. In psychodynamic/analytic therapy, the therapist not playing into this 'pattern' is a primary catalyst of change. That's one of the main reasons why it is so uncomfortable (i.e., panic attacks) and people get worse before getting better.
I somehow came across an article that describes me to a 'T'. There is a ton of material of children of narcissistic parents, but I don't think I've ever come across one simple article that has a small summary that sounds just like my pattern. It even has that damn introject/split off aggression and anger part...
Quote:
Children of narcissists
The sensitive, guilt-ridden children in the family learn to meet the parent’s needs for gratification and try to get love by accommodating the whims and wishes of the parent. The child’s normal feelings are ignored, denied and eventually repressed in attempts to gain the parent’s “love”. Guilt and shame keep the child locked into this developmental arrest. Their aggressive impulses and rage become split off and are not integrated with normal development. These children develop a false self as defense mechanism and become codependent in relationships. The child's unconscious denial of their true self perpetuates a cycle of self-hatred, fearing any reminder of their authentic self.[10]
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Narcissistic parent - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
During my last therapy, I think my 'true feelings' were drawn out from being in the attachment relationship. It was very rocky--I had panic attacks and anxiety, as well as other kinds of emotional dysregulation.
Even after 4 years of therapy now, I still have much of this pattern to work through.
