I don't know what my pattern is, but I think I get all this... I think this happened to me as a kid, and I even thought it was a normal part of molding a person. Prior to my therapist I would have argued what did it matter what I really wanted, we cant all be/ or get what we want. My entire childhood was a performance trying to get love and approval, and what made me depressed is it was a failure performance that didn't work in the end, not even a little bit. I've finally grasped that much. Sometimes I still don't know who the real me is, or if there even is such a thing. I know I'm mostly after love and approval, but I care a little less today than I did when I started. If it's a good sign to be full of anxiety and emotional discord then I'm on a good track in therapy, LOL. It has not been comfortable. Thanks for posting this!