I grew up with one extremely narcissistic/sociopathic (one of the two) and abusive parent, and one extremely codependent and selfish parent. I learned to ignore my own needs because they were a burden and were too much for others to handle. I learned that my sensitivity was wrong and that I shouldn't feel the way I do. And I learned that my problems weren't as big and bad as everyone else, so I shouldn't complain. It leaves me with a lot of guilt and shame, along with a lot of fear that people (especially my T) will get tired of me and my feelings and problems and will abandon and reject me. I still don't ask for help much at all because I was always told how inconvenient and difficult I was when I asked for help. I developed a negative introject that really tears me apart when I am faced with a situation where I have to ask for something or when I want to talk to someone about my problems. And I repressed all my emotions, which are just now starting to come out. I am terribly afraid of people, afraid they will randomly change their opinions and views of me and will start to hate me. I don't see others as consistent and reliable, and so I don't form strong relationships because people change often in my mind. It doesn't matter how much they have cared about me in the past, their opinion can change immediately, and every good thing in the past goes away, leaving me as "bad" in their eyes (this is what I perceive happens and what I react to, not necessarily what actually happens from their perspective). I'm currently dealing with this with a friend, where even though we have been great friends for years, I feel like because I didn't just shrug my shoulders and ignore something she did to me, and she got frustrated because of it, she now hates me. She has said that things are fine, but in my mind, they're not and she now wants nothing to do with me. The past 6.5 years mean nothing, and my experiences tell me that I am now "bad" to her and she dislikes me. It makes me want to run away from her and have nothing to do with her. And I am worried because I am supposed to talk to her tomorrow.

So, to answer your question, I have a very avoidant attachment with people at first. But once they get past that and I start to admit to feeling close to them, that's when it really becomes chaotic. I move from a distant and avoidant attachment to a disorganized and unpredictable attachment. I rapidly go from "I don't need you" to "please don't leave" back to "I don't want anything to do with you" back to "I am scared you hate me". It is chaotic, and overwhelming.