Thank you all for your comments.. it wasn't an open marriage infact no concerns were ever breached until a few weeks ago when we started talking and from then it just took off and has been spiraling out of control ... we go from one extreme to the other and my heart, head and health is all over the place..he is visiting beginning of next month.. my heart whats to jump out at him.. but the possibility of a mid life crisis tells me to step back give him air and let him work through his current issues.. and in the middle of all this, I'm living with the kids in his parents house while we await military housing.. trying to maintain control, and a happy demeanor ....infront of his family and the kids.. I'm waiting for therapy approval.. this is tearing me apart...