I have realised that what has happened in my relationship with T mirrors what happened in my only other relationship where I actually let someone 'in' - my relationship with H.
I was very insecure about my relationship with T, then we had a big rupture and after we repaired he rupture I realised that I wanted him to see the worst side of me almost like as a test to see if he would still be there for me (not consciously). If he hadn't been there for me I could have justified my own low self worth and feel rejection, but as he was there for me I now feel able to trust him and feel much more secure and less anxious about the relationship. I did the exact same thing in the first year of my relationship with H.
I am now reaching phase 2 of the way relationships play out for me: I am now starting to put T first and not advocate for myself. To feel he is such a great guy for not abandoning me that I shouldn't put my c**p on him. The good news is I am conscious of this stuff playing out now so hopefully I can change the pattern.