Hello Mikamia -- I hope you will go to Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous meetings right away. Today. There are meetings in every community, usually many times a day, especially on weekends. If you do not have transportation, they often can send someone to get you. You will find other people drinking endless cups of coffee, smoking (usually outside the meeting room these days), and struggling with problems much like your own. Some of them have overcome such problems, and part of their sobriety program is to reach out to newcomers such as you.

You will get immediate support at a meeting; you will not have to wait for a T or any other service.

Alcohol is a depressant, so it is intensifying your depression.

Go at least 7 times, trying out different meetings until you find one where you feel comfortable.

I send you love and prayers that you will give this a try.