You are welcome StbGuy,

People can get confused about this disorder and do not understand that narcissism can be present yet the individual can have other issues too. This disorder has challenged me a lot and instead of seeing people with strong narcissistic traits as "just evil", I have really tried to look behind their curtain to see "why". With everyone I meet, I do remember that underneath it all is a child, a child that grew up in an environment that really is a big part of who they are and often they are just products and are really not aware of anything different or make their own choices.

For example, the golden child, well, they actually "learn" from a parent to stay in the stage of "the world revolves around me" and therefore "I am special and everything I like or do is simply the best and I should be adored". But the other kind of narcissist is a child that also never developed past the stage of "the world revolves around me", because they were neglected and even abandoned and they tend to have a hard time because they really never did learn to empathize and they really do spend the rest of their life in a very selfish state of mind where other people are just objects they need to conquer and be better than somehow. So, in their world if a child doesn't please them or fit into what they think has to fit into their needs and ideal of whatever presentation is important to them, yes, that child will be treated like he/she is never good enough or just burdensome and unacceptable. However, they do not understand or see this about themselves. They genuinely do not "know" how to be caring/nurturing/comforting in a way that "see's the other person or child emotionally or empathetically". Instead, a child is "there to please "them" and they send this message to their children constantly. I have watched them do this where, for example, at a horse show they tell the child that they expect that child to win because after all that is what they are paying for. It is not in their vocabulary to tell a child to "go enjoy the competition and just learn". They do not know "how" to appreciate the learning and the effort at all when it comes to the child, instead it's a do it or "you are a failure" and are a disappointment because "My" child did not shine above all others. It is actually (for me anyway) very upsetting to watch and see the child competing not really to learn and embrace that moment, but to supply the parent with their "narcissistic high".

What has really "upset" me about society today is how the parents just drop their children off at daycares because after all, life is about the "parent" and their "career". Children that grow up with "privilage" are often just fixtures that are raised by a nanny.

I have met so many people that are so emotionally confused by their parent, and even siblings that fall into "pleasing the parent and life is ok" and the child that doesn't seem to "please" the parent is in fact the bad child. It is not unusual to see what is considered the "bad child" to be the only one in a family unit that actually "has empathy" too. However, this child also suffers greatly because they really feel they can never measure up and that their "needs are wrong and they should feel shame if they need caring/comforting/approval at all". Family to them is "genuinely deep emotional turmoil" and they always feel isolated and very "alone" and tend to "self blame" for it too. Time and again I have met these "troubled and suffering" individuals that talk of how their family constantly "criticizes them and gossips about them and continues to remind them of how unacceptable they are". What is so sad to me is how in reality, this individual "is" actually better than and more caring than their other family members.

So many children are raised in environments that really are not nurturing to them and at the same time they are taught to "present" this picture to society that makes it "look like" their family is "politically correct" and to "never tell others any of the family secrets" either. What happens is that when that child becomes a "struggling adult", they really believe that whatever isn't perfect or whatever they struggle with "should never be discussed or told because they will be judged badly".

Time and again, I have read post after post of how a person who is really struggling has a horrible time "trusting and talking to a therapist" about their emotional challenges and history that created their enormous challenge. And one thing that I have found troubling is when a therapist or professional fails the patient, only sees their coping methods and ends up misdiagnosing that person. A struggling person suddenly has what is termed a "DISORDER", and often what takes place in their mind is, "my family is right there really "is" something wrong and unworthy about me". I THINK THAT IS SAD, I THINK THAT IS SO SAD IT PAINS ME DEEPLY EVERYTIME I "LISTEN" TO SOMEONE'S STORY. And what I also see that is sad and upsetting is how "no one really knows how to tell the truth and so few people actually trust and believe either". And I think it is also "sad" that so many people need to learn about "cognitive behavioral distortions" and "Dialectible Behavior distortions" and basically back peddle to try to make up for the "dysfunctional environment" they grew up in.

I had two customer's come out to my farm, one was a "neuropsychologist" and she told me that now they are studying "how emotions affect the brain". I could not help thinking that "finally" what is being expressed in all these "disorders" may actually "finally" be able to be recognized scientifically. Maybe, finally, it will be recognized that as a society there is a tremendous need to educate parents about "childhood development" so they stop messing up so many children because they really have no idea "how to actually parent and nurture their child". Then, I had a doctor of child psychology come to my farm and show me what she did not know "how" to do with a child because all she did know how to do was basically "bark orders". When I showed her what I know as "basic" without all the other teachings about different "disorders", she really did see something "different take place" where the child was actually "paying attention and engaging". It is "not" really "rocket science" and for the life of me, I do not know "why" what is so very basic is not "understood".

I am truly "sorry" for anyone that suffers because they simply were not "nurtured" correctly, and I even feel "sorry" for those that never really got past "the universe revolves around me of the kind of narcissim that "hurts others". There actually "is" healthy narcissim too, learning how to "take care of self and love self" but to also see how others have needs "too".

OE