Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
Sun_Flower,
Firstly, I want to say I am so sorry you grew up with so much "emotional abuse" like that.
I think what helps is to understand a little better what creates a person with NPD too. One way is what you saw of your brother, a golden child that can do no wrong and is spoiled and taught to think of "self" above all others as "entitled to be adored".
However, the other way it can happen is actually through neglect and emotional abuse or abandonment too. How your mother treated you may have very well been how she was treated. She may actually be treating you like she would have liked to treat a parent or sibling who neglected or treated her badly that you may remind her of too.
I have met women like you have discribed over the years, they always made me uncomfortable and tended to pick on how I was "too" attentive with my daughter too.
Yes, it is all about what "they" want too.
There are different ways they are created though, sometimes spoiling and too much adoring of a child as with your brother creates them too. It's almost like there should be two different catagories for them.
It always helps to understand "the beast" and yes, give one's self permission to distance and it's ok to walk away and never look back too.
OE
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Thank you IrisBloom.
That is something I am going to share, and what happened to her (later on, I will). After reading, so many years on abuse, it made me believe how she became this kind of person. She was badly abused as a child, and experienced it in her teens years. She became very bitter, and didn't trust people, and was always so suspicious of them too. She wore "anger" as her protective armour so no one could hurt her again. One of her abusers was her alcoholic step-mother, and she was neglected by her alcohlic father, and abandoned and neglected by her mother.
Her step-mother, a raging abusive narcissistic alcoholic, is my father's sister. So I have similar eyes as her step-mother's.
Her father, drank a lot, ignored her, and didn't do anything to stop the abuse. He was the enabler.
Her mother, abandoned her at the age of 6, gave her up to her (estranged)father and his abusive wife. Never seen her again, until she was the age of 13 when she moved acrossed the country to live with her mother, and her new family. This made her bitterness and resentment, turn to hate towards her mother and her new family. She struggled to get along with them. Her and her mother fought, and she ended up moving back to where her father lived. Later on, she married my father at the age of 20. My father had her step-mother's eyes as well. So she took a lot of her anger out on him, to punish him, for what his sister did to her. My father felt guilty, so he just took it, and enabled it. Just like he allowed and enabled her to abuse me. My brother looks more like her, and the people she cares about. I looked more of my father's family, who she despises.